May 9, 2017

The Darkness Within

All of us have the capacity for love, for anger, for elation, for despair.  Our ability to process different emotions and use those emotions to connect or disconnect from another human helps us get through life.  If you've consistently had a positive experience and positive emotions when near a certain individual, that interaction becomes something you seek, something you cherish.

Conversely, if a given person or persons continues to bring up negative, unpleasant emotions and feelings, you're likely to stay away as much as you can.  You choose not to be around that person, and when (if) you must, you make it as brief as possible. 

This emotional aspect is what sets us apart from the rest of the Kingdom Animalia, and is partly behind our ability to put man on the moon: Someone, somewhere, got excited and elated about the idea, and it sort of took off from there.  

Unfortunately, for some, the despair that is the Yang to our elation's Yin takes over.  The daily struggle to find joy becomes seemingly impossible.  You wake up, you go through the motions, but there's that nagging voice of the Darkness Within that keeps telling you "You didn't find any happiness yesterday... or the day before... or the day before... what makes you think today's going to be any different?" 

"You'll never be happy."

"You're worthless."

"Nobody likes you."

"Other people deserve love.  You don't."

The despair keeps nagging at you.  You try to ignore it, but it's always there.  

And, as a friend put it, when depression whispers dark thoughts in your ear, it's hard to hear anything else, because it whispers IN YOUR OWN VOICE.

Bob Owens, Editor of Bearing Arms, gave in to that voice, faced the darkness within, and took one step further, tragically ending his own life yesterday.  

I know not what demons Bob faced.  I never had the chance to meet the man, but his website was a near daily stop for me to become better informed about the life of an armed citizen.  We were kindred spirits as both members of the clan of the gun.

I wish I'd have had the chance to meet Bob.  If I had, and if I'd known, the conversation would be something like this:

"You deserve to be happy.  You are not worthless to me, or your family, or your many readers.  I like you.  You deserve love, and I love you.  I will stand here and fight the demons with you."

Hunter S Thompson once said "The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." I posit the same is for those who have contemplated suicide. You can't understand it, and there's no way to explain it, unless you've been there."

I might suggest that the thoughts that drive one to suicide are similar.  You can't really explain it, because the only ones who understand what it feels like are the ones that have done it.  I can't understand what Bob thought in those final days, hours, minutes.  I can't, and I won't pretend to.

But I will say this: If you're feeling this way, you call me.  I don't have the answers to all of life's problems (or any of them, really), but I am a pretty fair listener, and I've got two dogs to pet while we have a cup of coffee and you talk.  

Anytime.  Day or night.  Call me.  I'll be there.

Don't let the Darkness win.  You're stronger than you can possibly think.

And you are loved.  

Requiescat in Pace, Bob.  May you find peace in the next life that so eluded you in this one.

P.S.  He leaves behind a wife and two daughters.  There's a Go Fund Me set up to help them out.  Get your donation in.  I'll be sending in this month's ammo budget instead of buying more ammo.  

1 comment:

Old NFO said...

Agreed! We cannot let the darkness win.