Seems that the folks in the Pentagon’s Joint Non-Lethal Weapons Directorate Technology Division (a.k.a. PJNLWDTD, or "PeeJay-Nil-Wood-Tood", I suppose) are looking for a "human surrogate" upon which they can test their Blast-o-Matic Painful But Not-Quite-Deadly Ray machine.
I can think of 535 Congress Critters and Senator-type folks they could use, in the interest of realistic results.
You could put it on Pay-Per-View, set up a system where folks can bid to have their (least) favorite critter next in line. Take the proceeds (and oh how the money would flow!) and pay down the national debt.
Srsly, could it get much better than watching Ms. "Shoulder Thing That Goes Up" McCarthy writhe in pain on a 52 inch 1080p hi-def flat screen while you and your buddies drink beer?