From Dr. Edwin Leap, via my friend Ric, comes this gem:
The Leap Non-Severity Scale:
3 Unable to speak profanity or make profane gestures.
2 Slurs profanity, exposes genitalia or makes confusing lewd gestures.
1 Speaks profanity clearly, but with the same poor sentence structure he or she uses for English. Recognizable, but not very interesting.
0 Profanity used like poetry, flowing and uninterrupted. Suggests physical acts neither legal nor, in many instances, actually possible. Elaborate gestures.
3 Unable to smoke unless actually on fire.
2 Asks for cigarette, but realizes he cannot hold cigarette or inhale smoke.
1 Smokes in room, with oxygen on high flow and friends smoking for company.
0 Wanders parking lot still partially attached to backboard, asking everyone for cigarette.
3 So ill or impaired that behavior can be controlled without Droperidol.
2 Threatens doctor and staff with death, but can’t actually move due to pain or disability.
1 Points to each staff member individually and says “I know where you live and I’ll kill you” as police officers hold him down on bed.
0 Actually attacks staff member.
0 - 3: Can be discharged to jail or home without actually being examined.
4 - 6: Probably will require evaluation, although odds of dying still relatively low.
6 - 9: Most likely has real injury or illness. However, requires diligent re-evaluation using Leap Non-severity Scale (LNSS) so that patient can be down-graded as he or she improves or becomes increasingly annoying.